Friday, February 15, 2013

Still don't get hunting...

I still don’t understand the Midwestern urge to hunt. The guys in class sit, scribbling mk47s and deer corpses on the margin of their notes during class like middle school girls do with wedding dresses. I cannot tell you how many times I have walk to class and seen frat guys stringing up dead deer to their cars or trees. No one should have to be forced to vomit on his or her way to class. I dislike seeing the eyes of dead deer staring lifelessly at me on my way to class and hunting my dreams at night. I doubt any of them have seen Bambi.

Jane Austen Ruined My Outlook on Men


Damn you, Jane Austen. Last week, I was sick from a stomach flu that just wouldn’t quit.
I couldn’t leave my room without letting the clips from my mouth fall where they may and my throat was skinned away from the acid in my body and I was forced to master the art of the whisper.
High on cherry cough drops, I had not choice, but to lay in bed, wrapped in a five-layer blanket burrito, a trashcan by my side and my laptop balanced on a pillow that was perched on my stomach watching Pride and Prejudice. It was my “sick movie”. But, instead of thinking about all the class I was missing, or all the homework I had to do, or trying to keep down my soup, all I just kept thinking of was that Jane Austen was kind of a bitch. Now, I am not bitter, but why did men stop wearing top hats?
Sometimes, I feel that the feminist infected the gentleman till he hesitated to open the door for her. Now, most men today have all the romance of a red solo cup and the female empowerment of a rap song.

Media Savvy Intern

I have been applying to internships like a person who doesn't want to move in with her parents after college and they all wanted an intern who is "media savvy." So, I had to go against my moral code and join twitter. I have never gotten the purpose of twitter and I find most tweets to be annoying and down right pointless, like who cares that you just got a box of crackers half off at Wal-Mart and you are "raising the roof" in the mist of your joy? No one. 

Rebel, Rebel


You know you are a square when your mother tells you over the phone that you need to loosen up and partying more, and also when you use the terms like “square” when you are describing how miserable and awkward you are in normal, social situations. To prove my mother wrong, I went crazy. I went to a party and drank out of a red solo cup, mind you it had coke in it, but as far as anyone else was concerned, it could have had anything thing in there.  I even broke a party rule by putting my cup down and unattended, while I grabbed a chip on the other side of the kitchen.  I also grabbed a napkin to use as a makeshift coaster because I may be a  “ totally non-square badass”, but wolves with poor table manners didn’t raise me.
The black part of my heart has always loved it when people try so hard and fail. Not when they are trying to do something meaningful, but when they are trying to be oh so cool and rebellious. But, let’s be honest, none of us can really achieve that status in a much to do about nothing college town in the Midwest. I mean we literally go to college in the middle of a corn field. So, how bad-ass can one possibly be in a corn field? At the party I was at, everyone was trying so hard, even me. I went around with my makeshift coaster telling everyone that the Beastie Boys fought, and possibly died for my right to party. But, no one could even hear me over the music. Anyway, there was this one girl who thought she was immune to any drugs just because she smoke some weed. She just thought she could advance to the next level, like this was some kind of video game, and took some acid. She though she was so cool. I saw her a few hours later with glass eyes and a vacant expression. I would have thought she was dead if I cared and I was living in a anti drug video where things like this actually happened. Truth is no one dies at parties.   

How to Spend a Friday Night

After a difficult week of college, its best to relax, maybe even go out and make human contact. Unfortunately, the only human contact I will be having tonight will be seeing my exhausted face in the reflection of my computer screen. Not by choice, though. My college has this thing where if you get so much money in scholarship then you have to give some back through a campus job. I got fired from mine after the fall semester. I was a an aid for a picky, borderline bi-polar professor. He said he just didn't have enough work for me to do for the spring semester. So, I was left to take whatever job I could find for the spring semester. That's why I am sitting alone in a computer lab on a Friday night. I'm an exam proctor from 7 to 11 pm every Friday night for the next two months and people said college wasn't as fun as the movies made it seem. I really want to ask whoever made up this time why they thought anyone would think to come in. After a difficult week of papers, exams, class, and waking up in the morning, why would anyone be like, "Hey, its Friday! I'm going to celebrate by taking that math test for my online math class that I could take at anytime, but am choosing right now at 10 pm! I love college!" College makes people crazy. I am half hoping that someone will come in after pre-gaming and are so drunk that they actually think that they want to take this exam. I am that bored and who knows, it might be hilarious to watch a drunk student try to comprehend trig, but if they vomit, I'm walking. TGIF

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Burnt Out

I always wanted to go to college. It just sounded so amazing in my head and when I was little and would visit my sister at college, I just wanted to get the hell out of high school. Because high school was better than middle school and college had to be amazing because high school was awful. But, now that I am here, I just want to sleep. I still feel the proud, smart person feeling. Like, when I am walking to the library, books in hand and the ivy covered clock tower goes off. I don't feel it as often anymore, probably because its too cold to go to the library anymore and the ivy all froze off.  It is the end of my second year and I am already burned out. My college is over 1,000 miles away from home and in the middle of a corn field. So, there is no escape. There isn't even a bus line. I attend the self proclaimed "Harvard of the Midwest" and they make sure that you know it.