Saturday, March 16, 2013

The Great Toilet Paper Hostage Crisis

So, in the sorority house the toilet paper has been taken hostage along with the paper towels. Our housing chair is crazy, like legitimately -she has been to rehab/ psych ward several times but to no avail- crazy. She thinks the sorority is going through too much toilet paper too fast. Which is absurd because 1. We are girls (not really sure this counts, but we stereotypically spend a lot of time in the bathroom, so I'm putting it as a reason). 2. They are seven of us who live here. 3. Plus other members of the sorority who come over, plus friends, plus their stupid boyfriends who always leave the seat up. She is hiding the stash in her room and I mean she is literally hiding it. Some of us did a secret mission to steal it back from this crazy toilet paper overlord we now seem to have. It was a failed mission because she hid it somewhere in her room and we couldn't relocate it. Now, everyone has seemed to declare war on each other and we all have our own roll we have somehow acquired and are hiding it away from the rest of the house. My bathroom mate, however, is going through my stuff and using my stash even though she has her own six pack in her room! Our housing chair has turned each one of us into Smeagol and all the toilet paper into our own disposal ring. I'm getting really upset with my bathroom mate taking what is mine (I wrote my name on it!), however, and I am planning on perhaps doing a suicide mission, by that I mean putting icy hot of the roll and let the chips fall where they may. You may ask why we just don't buy our own pack of rolls or come to some kind of peace treaty. It is simple really, it is the principle of the matter and there is no glory in surrender!

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